Playing the victim

The classic manipulation strategy

‘You’re not letting me get a word in! I’m constantly being interrupted!’ Playing the victim in heated discussions is a popular diversion—typically just when the ‘victim’ runs out of factual arguments. Once cornered, the accusations get loud: ‘You’re using every means to sideline me rhetorically!’—‘With your political correctness, you want to silence us ordinary citizens! This is a dictatorship of opinion!’ Suddenly, the real issue gives way to victim-and-perpetrator games. Sound familiar? You probably recognise this behaviour from AfD political appearances; the party likes using this manipulation technique. Luckily, I have a few strategies up my sleeve against this rhetorical trick! Alice Weidel—the AfD politician has mastered playing the victim Crying in the victim role! Adults sometimes behave like small children Crying in the victim role! Adults sometimes behave like small children

‘Poor victim’—or wolf in sheep’s clothing?

‘No wonder the project failed! Your department didn’t approve enough resources, which completely held us back.’ When someone casts themselves as the victim, the perpetrator can take many forms. A political opponent, an ominous outside threat or another department: others are always to blame, especially the person they are debating. This distracts not only from weak arguments, but also from their own mistakes: ‘If you hadn’t forced me to empty the dishwasher, I’d never have dropped that cup!’

The fight for the audience’s favour

Crucially, the aim is to win the audience over. By appealing to pity, the victim tries to secure listeners’ sympathy. At the same time, they draw the audience into the victim role: ‘Your party is taking us decent taxpayers for fools from start to finish!’ This polarises and creates an ‘us against them’ dynamic. Victimhood is not limited to the substance of the debate. On the meta-level—talking ABOUT the discussion—the victim can wallow in suffering, complaining about interruptions, insufficient speaking time or the choice of speakers: ‘This is all rigged!’ Or, ironically, they discuss the other side’s rhetorical tricks. This lets them bypass difficult questions or counterarguments. Linguistically, they fit the role by using passive constructions or appearing as the object of a sentence.

My counterstrategy

  • To avoid further escalation, separate the issues. This also helps without an audience: ‘We can discuss who empties the dishwasher how often, but right now we need to replace the broken cup.’
  • In front of an audience, identify the victim strategy as a diversion as soon as your opponent uses it!
  • Keep insisting on returning to the substance: has the uncomfortable question been answered? Has the ‘victim’ addressed the previous argument? Evading the topic in a huff wastes everyone’s time and disrespects the audience.
  • Confidence and leadership persuade listeners, yet the victim presents themselves as weak. Put your finger on that sore spot! The audience isn’t stupid. Dramatic whining is quickly recognised as inauthentic and dismissed. Pity then turns to mockery: ‘Boo-hoo!’
  • You can encourage this response by visibly finding the acted victimhood amusing and ridiculing the tactic. But beware: this will certainly lose you the other person! Use it only when the sole aim is winning the audience and it won’t hand your opponent a sympathy bonus.
  • In response, formulate your positions in clear active sentences in which you are the acting subject. Be doers, not victims—even grammatically!
  • By the way, taking responsibility for mistakes and acknowledging good counterarguments is simply good form—and shows the audience a strong personality!
  • Remember: speak from a victim’s position only when genuine emotions are involved. When we describe real hurt or injustice, listeners believe us and recognise it as such.

PS: Want more strategies and rhetorical tricks? Then subscribe to our newsletter, book our individual Lilit rhetoric coaching (Lilit seminar: countering dark rhetoric and manipulation) or our Lilit training in the art of argumentation. Image sources: Alice Weidel (AfD): Olaf Kosinsky / kosinsky.eu (Licence: CC-BY-SA 3.0 DE) Crying baby: Flickr.com: daily sunny (Licence: CC BY 2.0)